This week the news has been about whether the clothing worn by the first lady and the first daughter was appropriate for Tuesday's joint address to Congress. And all I could think about was how women were always reduced to their attire.     “ Surely we have better things to do than tear a woman to pieces over a matter of fashion .” - Zelda, “ Z: A Novel of Zelda Fitzgerald ,(* affiliate link )” Episode 5, “The It Girl”   How do you remark about another woman?  

One of the hardest things for me is "Show up." Whether I've been to an event or are attending for the first time, I always get anxious.   This week I'm headed back to Alt Summit --this time in Palm Springs at The Saguaro Hotel. So, in addition to packing, I'm working on my confidence game to step outside my comfort zone. My hope? Appear effortlessly at ease.     Here are the six things I'm doing.   How do you psyche yourself up for stepping outside your comfort zone?  

Since Grey’s Anatomy killed off Derek, I’ve been thinking a lot about strength. More specifically the illusion of strength. (I’m sad that Derek is gone, but I’m also very excited for the Fall. I’m still going to watch Grey’s Anatomy, because I know Meredith will bloom and I want to see her soar.)     Yes Meredith is a made up character. Yes she’s flawed and does really stupid things. But in her I see myself. She’s the closest female character on television I can identify with. And everyone needs that. Especially those who everyone looks up to for their strength.  

When doing something for the first time it's easy to fall into the trap of comparison. Nerves can overtake and swallow one's confidence. Then self doubt creeps in. But this is the very moment when you need to be brave, to be bold.     And after recounting a story I often hear, "Wow that was so brave." Or, "I could never do that." I realized no one can see our self doubt.   So here's the secret, any time you're tempted to doubt whether you could do something yourself, ask the storyteller for the backstory. Not all will share, but it never hurts to ask.   Do you share your backstory?   This is important. So let me repeat it:   No one can see our self doubt.   We're not walking around with a blinking billboard arrow pointing down at us screaming "Danger. Danger. Will Robinson. Imposter! Imposter!"  

I wish I believed in revisionist history. Because if I did, I’d say that two years ago I walked away from Corporate America and never looked back. I’d say everything went as it does in fairy tales. I’d say I clicked my heels together and lived happily ever after (I know I’m combining stories here).   But… I don’t believe in revisionist history. And when spinning a yarn I teeter on the verge of oversharing or TMI (too much information). So, here goes: my tale of life after corporate America.     Did you make a break with corporate America in 2014?  

Fear. It can be a constant companion, with such a strong presence it almost feels like you have another person walking beside you. It can overwhelm you, leave you gasping for air. For me, fear often brought me to my knees through panic attacks, until I started standing up to fear and building confidence. Tackling fear is a momentous feat and one I began by choosing a purse (a purse you can win).     I used to never give my purse a second thought, after all it's just a convenience to hold one's phone, keys, and other stuff. I'd typically pick up one or two good sized bags in a neutral leather (brown or black), a small crossover purse for going out - also in a neutral leather - and one or two clutches for more formal affairs not necessarily in leather but in neutral colors with maybe a bow or some crystals for embellishment. Then came a bold BCBG Magenta clutch, and my life started to change.  

Healthy body image and self-confidence in children begin with those traits demonstrated by their parents. Historically, I've had a hard time with both. When Gates was born, I realized I needed to be a better role model. I began saying yes to opportunities that pushed me outside my comfort zone and exploring why loving myself, flaws and all, was so difficult for me.     Do you embrace your imperfections?   I find I learn a lot about myself when I step out from behind a camera and in front of one instead. Having worked as a photographer, I'm versed in Photoshop enough to know how images are retouched. (I even have a plug in that applies a common definition of beauty, modifying facial structure to give perfect proportions.) Even though I know most images are artificial, I still want my untouched images to look similar and I have to resist the temptation to simply let the plug in do its thing. Because I struggle with this, I'm drawn to stories and songs of empowerment. ...

Years ago, I contributed to the last We are the Contributors project: Alter Ego ( update 8/21/2015: the site is no longer live ). In the call for submissions, we were asked to explore inhabiting the mind, space, and life of another person, an adult version of "let's pretend," using the medium of our choice and to share a little about our process.     To say I didn’t struggle with the We Are The Contributors project would be lying.   Whose shoes would you step into? Would you trade places with them?   As the project wore on, I wondered what I had been thinking taking it on. Sure I had women I wanted to be like. But, none felt “right.”  

There's a rhyme oft repeated across playgrounds: sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Alas, the pen (words) are indeed mightier than the sword (a somewhat more modern weapon). A few recent commercials and public service announcements have me considering and reconsidering the words and phrases I use.     Do you choose your words with intention?  

Approach life with a beginner's mind. Easy enough if you're doing or trying something for the first time.   A little more challenging when it's your fourth time attending a conference. Last week I headed back to Salt Lake City for my fourth Alt Summit.     Alt Summit is " the premier business conference for pioneering and rookie bloggers and creatives. It's a community of exciting, experimental and expressive thinkers, makers and entrepreneurs. " For two and half days, depending on the event, among a hundred to seven hundred people come together to inspire, to share, and to learn from each other.   Approaching a conference that I've been to three times before without expectations and with a beginner's mind is challenging. While a challenge, I still try to actively practice adopting a beginner's mind. And the practice, always yields new insights. Once again I was pleasantly surprised by the experience I had (not one I had imagined I would have...

The start of Spring is as good as any time to pull out and dust off the goals or resolutions set when 2014 dawned brightly. For me, 2014 is the year I WILL. And to achieve my goals, I need ...   My Goals for 2014 For 2014, I set three goals . Sure, in 2013, I declared my goals here publicly . But my goals for 2014 are different.   My goals for 2014 differed from those I set in 2013, in that there's one big goal and two that actually support that goal. Besides sharing my 2014 goals here, I also put them to paper, something I didn't do with my 2013 goals. And, I went further. I spoke them out loud and recorded them with the intention of sharing them.   I was going to share the video of my goals ( watch now on YouTube ) when I talked about joining the Bold, Brilliant, Beautiful project . But, I chickened out. I shared just a snippet of my goals, the portion where I say I AM ENOUGH. I AM BOLD, BEAUTIFUL, BRILLIANT. (I mixed up the order. In my snippet, I'd even accident...

No one attends the same conference as another and walks away with the same key insights or takeaways. What we glean from a conference is what we bring to it. If we're seeking guidance for the direction of our path or our purpose, we're more likely to "hear" or interpret what we hear with that filter. Here is my takeaway from Women 2.0 Conference 2014.     When I heard about the Women 2.0 Conference 2014 I wasn't sure what to expect. I hadn't read anything about it, so I didn't much beyond the Pitch Competition and whether sessions would be inspirational or informational in nature.   What conferences have you attended recently?  

In a few weeks, I'll be turning 45. I'm approaching that age when women become invisible. When our voices no longer are heard. When we no longer matter. And for someone who's mostly stood in the shadows or firmly planted behind a camera that's scary. Scary because I want to matter. I want to do something now (not something I did ten years ago, eleven years ago, twelve years ago, or twenty years ago) that I'm amazed by. So I'm starting now.     “Do not stop thinking of life as an adventure. You have no security unless you can live bravely, excitingly, imaginatively; unless you can choose a challenge instead of competence.” -Eleanor Roosevelt   Last week I dove out of my comfort zone. I did something totally uncharacteristic for me. I stepped IN FRONT OF the camera.     First for We Are the Contributors ' Self-Portrait (aka Selfie) Mini-Project . (If you follow me on Instagram you saw the seven self-portraits I selected.)   My theme for the project wa...

A mentor once told me " Hope is not a strategy. " I had this idea that if I worked hard, took on extra projects, and got results, then I would get noticed and I would get offered the position I wanted. I worked hard, but not very smart. How? Because hope leaves your fate in someone else's hands, which is never a good place for your fate to be.     "If your plan requires getting picked and you're not getting picked, you need a new plan. ... Your talent deserves the shift in strategy that will let you do your best work.   The problem isn't that it's impossible to pick yourself. The problem is that it's frightening to pick yourself. It's far easier to put your future into someone else's hands than it is to slog your way forward, owning the results as you go. " -Seth Godin, " But I don't want to do that, I want to do this "     Continuing to do the same thing again and again gets you the same results again and again, if yo...

I was once told I was not creative. At that moment I realized I'd failed to show the person who I was, who I am: a maker. I didn't know then, but people write their stories of you based on the data they see or don't see.     Deciding I was creative and taking proactive steps to show I was creative was foreign to me. Until that moment I'd always answered who I am by listing what I wasn't. (I finally realized I was approaching my answer from the wrong direction at Alt Winter this past January. My big A-HA moment was "Don't define yourself by what you're not.") I wasn't conscious that I could choose how I wanted to be defined until yesterday when I worked through Lesson 2 of the Find Your Voice Workshop.   When did you realize and appreciate who you are?

This summer I'm excited to announce that I'm a contributor to The Find Your Voice Summer Storytelling Workshop. Why another project you ask? The Find Your Voice Storytelling Workshop is a logical next step in my journey of self-discovery that started last year shortly after Gates was born.     Have you used storytelling to help you dive deeper into your life?  

Alt Summit NY is this week; in fact, sponsor dinners are tonight. A bunch of my friends from all over the country are headed there, without me. Turns out not going to Alt is like not going to Burning Man. Unlike Burning Man where there's a way to get tickets, even if completely sold out like last year, there's no chance with Alt. But this post is not about missing out. This post is about how Alt Summit SLC has changed my life and continues to impact my life positively whether I'm attending or not.     Setting Myself Up for Success at Alt A quick summary of how I prepared for and maximized my Alt Summit experience. Last August a reminder on my phone went off and I scrambled to my laptop to secure a ticket (after two and a half years of dreaming of going).   I then spent the Fall attending Alt Channel classes polishing my skills: writing, graphic design, photography, editorial calendar making, social media, SEO, and more. After taking Tough Love: What Brands Really Thin...

Until I reached a point where I thought I had no time, I didn't realize the luxury of time I had when I was single. Parenting, with its additional demands on time, taught me the value of time and of being willing to let go of absolute plans. As a parent, I can't (and no one should) focus solely on the successful completion of a schedule.   Today I came to the realization that I still had that mindset; I equate success with a successfully completed and adhered to schedule. Unsurprisingly, that mindset is at direct odds with being a parent and of finding time for one's self.     Do you ever find time for yourself in your schedule? Or do you intentionally make time for you?

In tech it's easy to accept the way things are. Initially it rankles; but, you're one voice drowned out by others. And, hey you chose to be a trailblazer; you have no one to blame but yourself. A thread that started last night on Twitter surfaced a wave of fresh voices.     When I woke up Tuesday morning my Twitter feed had a few occurrences of the hashtag #1reasonwhy . The hashtag attempted to capture the one reason why the number of female game developers was the lowest it had been in decades. For those keeping track, the number of women with computer science jobs has fallen 3% percent over the last decade and the number of female graduates with computer science degrees dropped 16% over the last two decades.   As I scanned the tweets many sounded familiar; they mirrored my experiences as a female in the tech industry (as well as being a female in civil engineering/construction). Sadly, they echoed experiences my mom had in the mid-1960s as the only female drafting ...