The Four Pillars and Five Covenants Every Strong Community Needs
What makes a community truly work—especially when caregiving or kids are involved? After two decades in intergenerational spaces, I’ve seen what holds communities together—and what quietly breaks them apart.
This post shares the simple but powerful framework I use to build trust, reduce burnout, and help people show up for each other with clarity and care.
Whether you're leading a camp, hosting a gathering, or just trying to build better relationships, these four pillars and five covenants can help.
I’ve been part of caregiving and intergenerational communities for over 20 years. First in the late ’90s, before I had kids of my own. Now, I’m raising a 13-year-old and still just as committed to the work.
Over the years, I’ve watched communities grow, fall apart, and evolve. I’ve stepped out of ones that didn’t have clear caregiving norms. I’ve stepped into others—sometimes to support, sometimes to lead—as they’ve worked to build inclusive, lasting spaces that actually work across generations.
From all of this, I built something simple but strong:
Four pillars and five covenants.
It’s a framework I come back to again and again. It helps me decide who to trust, how to lead, and what kind of community I want to help shape—especially at festivals, gatherings, and campouts now navigating what it really means to include kids.
THE FOUR PILLARS OF COMMUNITY SUCCESS
At the heart of this framework are four core values: trust, consent, communication, and intent. I call them the Four Pillars. Everything else grows from here.
trust.
This one comes first.
Without trust, nothing else works. It’s what lets people show up fully, be real with each other, take risks, and feel safe.
If you’re not building trust, you’re not building community.
consent.
Consent grows from trust—and it’s non-negotiable, especially when kids are involved.
If people don’t know where the boundaries are, they start making assumptions. That leads to resentment, confusion, and sometimes real harm.
communication.
Real consent needs good communication.
Expectations should be clear. Info needs to be shared, not hoarded or assumed.
No communication?
No consent. Just another conversation. Just noise.
intent.
This is what gives the rest direction.
Your intent shapes how you communicate, what kind of consent is needed, and who feels safe and welcome. It also helps you get clear on who the space is for—and who it’s not.
Not everyone has to be invited. But everyone who is needs to understand what they’re being invited into.
Can a community still function without all four pillars? Maybe.
But it’ll struggle.
Without all four pillars, you’ll see more friction, more burnout, and less care. These pillars are what keep things grounded and sustainable.
THE FIVE COVENANTS OF COMMUNITY CARING
To figure out what really makes caregiving in community work, I sat down with a blank sheet of paper. Folded it in half. On one side, I wrote down all the positive experiences I’ve had. On the other, the moments where things fell apart.
Across years of reflection—especially in camps and festivals—five patterns kept showing up.
These became the Five Covenants.
1. respect.
Caregiving looks different for everyone. Whether you’re parenting solo or living kid-free, your choices are valid. Respect means making room for all kinds of contributions—and not asking others to stretch in ways you wouldn’t.
Shared space means shared effort.
- Respect the space.
- Respect each other.
- Don’t expect others to reshape their experience around your preferences.
2. honesty.
Be real about what you can do. Be clear about what you can’t.
If someone asks you for help:
- “I don’t know” is a legit answer.
- “I can’t right now” is enough.
- “No thanks” doesn’t need a reason.
Honesty lets everyone show up with more care—and with less guilt, pressure, or burnout.
3. honored boundaries.
Boundaries matter. Think of them as agreements that define how we interact. Name yours clearly.
Respect others’ without trying to push them.
- “No” is final.
- Silence or hesitation means ask someone else.
- No one should have to explain why they’re setting a limit.
One person’s boundary doesn’t get erased by someone else’s excitement. A “no” matters just as much as a “yes.”
4. explicit handoffs.
Positive or negative, most experiences came down to whether a handoff happened—and whether it was clear.
- Say what needs to happen.
- Say who’s doing it.
- Say how long it’ll take.
- Confirm the other person accepts the responsibility.
That’s it. But if even one of those is unclear, things break down fast.
A handoff doesn’t need to be a long conversation. When trust, consent, communication, and intent are already there, it can take seconds.
But it has to be clear. And just because you saw someone doing something similar doesn’t mean they’re handling your ask.
5. confidentiality.
What someone shares with you stays with you.
Just because someone opens up doesn’t mean their story is yours to tell. Openness isn't permission to retell their story. Keep context-specific info in the space where it was shared.
When private moments go public, trust often shatters for good.
No Trust? No Community.
It's That Simple.
These pillars and covenants shape how I show up in every space I help build. They’re not fancy. They’re not always easy. But they do work.
They help us take better care of each other—without burning out the same few people.
If you’re trying to grow a stronger, more sustainable community—especially one that includes kids—these are a good place to start.
Want to explore this work together?
Let’s talk.
Credits: All layouts designed by and images taken by Eden Hensley Silverstein for The Road to the Good Life.
